I was driving home from a movie tonight after a super exhausting week. Chatted a bit with my good friend Becky about an upcoming concert. Thought about all the fun stuff I have coming up. Despite the fact that this week was insane--I calculated it and I worked at least 10 hours above my normal contract time in four days--and my next week is what I've dubbed "the perfect storm" where all of the things I've got going on by themselves wouldn't be too bad but when added all together it's insanity, I'm just pretty content. (What a run on sentence!) Here's why:
I have gone back at times and re-read old journals...as far back as 7th grade... that have all said the same thing. These include journals from my freshman year of high school, freshman and sophomore years in college and my 2 years in California. I always wrote that I didn't need a boyfriend, I didn't need tons of clothes and nice purses and money, all I wanted was to have a good group of friends. Yes I had one in high school, and had some semblance of one later in college, but I just wanted those people that you know almost every weekend you'll do something with and that if you don't it's not for lack of wanting to, it's more logistics with time, work, $, etc. I always wanted to be in what I thought of as the core of the group and not one of the outliers that sometimes got invited, but often didn't. I feel pretty confident in saying that I've attained that wish that I'd had at so many different points in my life. It's just nice. It's nice to have things lined up on my calendar. I love the feeling of turning down plans if I don't feel like going. I have stayed home so many Friday and Saturday nights over the years and felt so pathetic for not having plans and now it's something I treasure--free weekends! My attitude has changed because I know there will be a next time and I didn't miss my only opportunity. In addition, I really do love my job no matter how much I've complained this week about the parents and extra stuff that needs to get done. I still have little bouts of depression here and there, but it doesn't last long because inevitably something good happens. This is a big change from some points where looking back I know I was really suffering from depression.
After this long, rambly post, right now I can sum things up with--"It's all good." That's a great feeling to have.
annie kate
6 years ago
